Do you hate asking for help?
You’re not alone. Many of us find it challenging to reach out for support when we need it most. However, recent research sheds light on why we often hesitate to ask for help.
In a 2022 study, researchers from Stanford University found that we often underestimate others’ willingness to provide help and overestimate the inconvenience our requests may cause.
The truth is that most people genuinely want to help others. Think of the last time you helped someone out – didn’t it feel good to be of assistance to someone in your circle?
Despite this reality, many of us remain hesitant to ask for help when we need it, fearing potential judgement or rejection. Consequently, we may isolate ourselves from social support, which can actually lead to feelings of anxiety and burnout.
So how do we get more comfortable asking for help? Try adopting these three strategies recommended by experts:
- Remember the science: Remind yourself that most people are inherently pro-social and view asking for help as a sign of competence, not weakness.
- Make asking for help a habit: Start with small requests and gradually build your confidence by accepting support from others. Desensitising yourself to the act of asking for help and getting a few easy wins can help you feel more comfortable tackling some of the more overwhelming requests in your life, like support for a big project at work or reaching out for help with a mental health issue.
- Make SMART requests: A SMART request refers to an ask that is Specific, Meaningful, Action-oriented, Realistic, and Time-bound. Dr. Zhao, Stanford researcher, suggests that requests meeting these criteria are more likely to be mutually beneficial for the asker and the askee.
So before reaching out, take a moment to consider precisely what you need (specific), why it is necessary (meaningful), the resources required for progress (action-oriented), what assistance the other person can provide (realistic), and the deadline for completion (time-bound).
Working to overcome your hesitancy to ask for help strengthens your social ties and fosters a supportive community where everyone benefits. Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a courageous step toward growth and connection.